It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
