I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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