Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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