I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize