end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
