She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
