So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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