I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
