She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
