that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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