So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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