that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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