And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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