her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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