Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
