If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
