her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize