My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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