how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
