Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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