I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
