The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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