I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
