Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
