I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
how drunk are you?
Several
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
