Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize