Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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