Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
