tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
