The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
