Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You need Xanax blowdarts
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
