don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
