I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize