her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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