Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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