I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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