Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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