this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
