I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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