I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize