Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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