so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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