remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
