Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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