Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
