mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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