i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
