we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
