You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
His nipple licking is glorious
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