so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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