i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
