break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
