I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize