WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
