hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
