By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
