I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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