It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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