Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
