What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
