also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
